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Monday, February 11, 2013

Single and Occasionally Lonely

Dear Amy,
I'm single and occasionally lonely. What should I do?


Sincerely,
Single and Occasionally Lonely

Dear Single and Occasionally Lonely,

I'm going to address "single" and "lonely" as separate issues. 

Loneliness: 
In order to solve your issue of loneliness, it starts with figuring out "Why you feel lonely?"

1. Has there been significant change in your life?
2. Are you unhappy with your life?
3. Are you uncomfortable being alone with yourself

4. Do you lack a social life?

There may be other reasons why you feel lonely. 
Below are a few articles you can read to better understand loneliness and how to get yourself out of the rut: 
http://www.livestrong.com/article/75856-people-feel-lonely/
http://voices.yahoo.com/the-vicious-spiral-loneliness-why-lonely-people-5024384.html

Single:
Being single and lacking a social life are a little easier to address. :)
 
It starts with initiative and confidence. If you don't have confidence, you need to focus on how to make yourself more confident. People are only allowed to belittle you and make you feel insignificant if you allow them to.

If you want to get out and meet people, you need to make the effort to put yourself out there. Yes, it would be great if everyone approached you and invited you to events, but most people are too lazy, comfortable with their current situation, and self-absorbed to do that.

What are you interested in? There are bound to be people who are interested in the same thing you are. You just need to figure out how to find them. If you are interested in a sport, find a league to join.

Found some awesome people you want to hang out with? Invite them out to events. Don't wait for someone to invite you. You should make the active effort. It is exhausting to always be planning, but in the beginning you need to make the effort. Most people already have their own group of friends that they hang out with. They don't feel a need to make new friends.

Still out of ideas:
http://www.meetup.com/
Still can't find a group that is interesting on there? Create your own group.
Start volunteering or join a community committee. 

The more you meet and interact with people, the better chance you have of meeting someone who could potentially grow to be more than just a friend. 

Want to take a more active approach to finding someone to date?
Join a paid online dating site. Chances are if you are on a paid site, that the other users are serious about finding a significant other as well. Also, ask your friends if they know of anyone who you might be interested in that is single.

If you are looking for love, make sure you are ready for love and not trying to use that as a solution to your loneliness or distraction from other problems. It's selfish to be doing that and unfair to the other person. Love is about being unselfish and for a happy and healthy relationship both parties should be happy on their own first.

Best of luck to you!
























 

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